Coursing Through My Veins
by maej26
Summary: Slash. Mike becomes acutely aware that Alex's feelings for him run deeper than just friendship and this awakens something inside of him that he didn't realize was there.


**Title:** Coursing Through My Veins  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Alex Riley  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T

**Summary:** Mike becomes acutely aware that Alex's feelings for him run deeper than just friendship and he starts to question his own feelings for his friend.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

**A/N:** I've been wanting to write a convo between Mike and his mom for months now. I'm glad I was able to work it into this story because when I first came up with the premise, it wasn't included. It seemed to find it's way in though.

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><p>Mike is particularly impressed with himself after the latest taping of Raw. There seems to be a new energy coursing through his veins. Most nights, he feels confident but there's something different about tonight; something exhilarating. At this point, he's not even fully aware that there's been such a dramatic change but he's about to find out the cause.<p>

It's not so often Mike gets time off but the company just finished an overseas tour so most of the superstars have been granted a few days to recuperate. The last match was held in California so it won't be long until Mike's back in the comfort of his own bed, in his own home. Not that it feels much like home anymore considering he spends most of his time away. He realizes just how long it's been since he's really had a chance to unwind when he sits down and checks his DVR. The last seven episodes of Raw _and_ Smackdown are still waiting to be watched. He knows he'll never have the time to review all his matches so he decides to just delete all the episodes except the one from the night before. Can't wait to see if the way he felt translated to screen.

Mike skips to his entrance, can't help singing along to his theme song. After all this time, he's still not sick of it, not even a little bit. He watches himself strut down the ramp and suddenly his narcissism subsides and he watches his friend, Alex, instead. A subtle smile graces his lips and he's subconsciously grateful beyond words to have met this man. There's never been anyone he's trusted so much or knew would have his back in any situation, no matter the circumstances. Then a flip switches and he's back to admiring himself. He watches as he gives what could be the promo of his career and he's thrilled to see it came across exactly how he hoped it would. He rewinds and watches again, still as equally awestricken with himself as he was the first time.

_One more time_, he thinks as he's rewinding. He watches again but this time he notices something he hadn't picked up on before, probably because he was so focused on himself. His eyes shift to Alex standing in the background and there's a look on his face Mike had never seen before. The high he was on, the lightness he felt is taken over by a heavy feeling. The air around him moves in squeezing him tightly, his heart beating out of turn. What was supposed to be the end of his obsession, becomes the beginning. Mike plays back the few times they focus on Alex and it's most certainly not in his head. Alex is looking at him with…_What is that look in his eyes?_ Mike wonders and then it hits him. It explains why it caught him so off guard when he first noticed it. It's _love_ but not the kind of love one friend has for another, not even remotely close.

Mike slouches back on the couch, his match with Ziggler playing full blast but he doesn't hear it. Mike still doesn't realize the reason he was so _good _the night before was because he had been feeding off of the true, unconditional love Alex had been sending his way and he won't realize this for a while.

The show is over, the DVR reverting back to the menu and Mike still sits there. A million thoughts rushing through his brain, so many he can't even focus on one so he's not even really thinking of anything. Just sits there in a state of confusion.

The vibration hitting his left thigh scares the shit out of him, suddenly ripping him out of the trance. He frantically pulls his phone out of his pocket and when he flips it over he sees the one name he doesn't want to see: Alex. Mike almost resents those four letters. He turns his phone over, places it face down on the couch ignoring the call. A few moments later he receives a text message. He feels badly for avoiding Alex. The man didn't do anything wrong, not _technically_, but Mike can't help himself.

A couple minutes later, Mike finally brings himself to read the text. Apparently, Alex is still in the area and wants to hang out. _I thought he was going home. Why isn't he in Florida?_ Mike wonders, huffing out of frustration. He can't deal with any of this so he doesn't respond. Just goes to bed instead. Hopes tomorrow he'll be able to think clearly and realize he's over-analyzed the whole thing.

**xxxx**

The following morning, Mike wakes up and for a second he's blissfully unaware of what happened the night before, but only for a second. When he remembers everything, he moans and turns into his pillow wishing it would all go away and be like it was before.

When Mike rolls over, he reaches for his phone wanting to book a flight to Ohio as soon as he can. Just wants to go _home_ and escape his life for a couple days. When he looks at his phone though, he sees two more messages from Alex. He closes his eyes tightly as he pushes _end_.

**xxxx**

Mike arrives at his mom's house and she recognizes something isn't right the moment she sees her son.

"Is everything all right, Mikey?" she asks lovingly. "I figured you'd be spending this time with your friends."

"I'm fine," Mike answers solemnly.

Mike's mom knows when he isn't being truthful but she also knows not to push too hard, doesn't want to drive him away. She tries to change the subject to something she knows Mike would be happy to talk about but unbeknownst to her, it's not going to work this time.

"I saw the show on Monday. Your speech was really _awesome_," she compliments her son in a way that usually gets a positive reaction out of him.

Mike rolls his eyes. This is exactly what he doesn't want to be thinking about. He knows his mom is just trying to be nice so he holds back everything he'd rather say and opts for a generic thank you instead. And as if on cue, there's his phone again. He looks down hoping it's anyone other than Alex.

"Fuck!" Mike explodes. "Leave me the fuck alone!" he growls angrily, turning off his phone and throwing it to the couch with immense force.

"Michael! What's wrong?" Mike's mom asks with deep concern as she moves in to hold him.

"You know, I think I'm just going to visit Dad. I'll be back for my phone later." Mike pulls away from his caring mother. "I'm sorry, Mom."

Mike's mom watches as he leaves. When she sees him pull out of the driveway, she looks to the couch at his phone wondering who could have upset her son this much.

**xxxx**

That night, Mike returns to his mom's house. It's so late, his mom has already gone to sleep and he's thankful he doesn't have to talk about anything. He showers and crawls into his childhood bed, his feet poking out from under the comforter. He looks around to all his action figures, wishes he could just be a kid again. He thinks of how all he ever wanted to do was wrestle and how he's actually living his dream (with Alex by his side) and he couldn't ask for anything more. He catches himself thinking about Alex and his eyes start to well up. Alex is his best friend, the absolute best friend he's ever had and the guy doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. He instinctively reaches over to his phone wanting to apologize for not returning his friend's calls, and maybe even longs to hear his voice, but when his hand hits the table, he remembers how he left it on the couch. Then the look Alex gave Mike on Monday's show flashes before him and he thinks it's for the best that he doesn't call him right now anyway.

**xxxx**

Mike sleeps in for the first time in months, though sleeping in for him is only 9:30. He gets up and makes breakfast for his mom, thinks it's the least he could do to make up for his behavior the day before.

Mike pulls out the chair for his mom when she walks into the kitchen.

"I made us some breakfast," he says proudly.

"I see that," his mom smiles. "It smells _awesome._"

Mike chuckles genuinely. "Thank you," he says, holding onto his mom's shoulders and reaching down, placing a sweet kiss on her cheek. She reaches up and pats one of his hands as he pulls away. She watches him and her smile fades as she contemplates confronting her son about the problem he's having.

"How'd it go with your father yesterday?" she asks. Figures she better start with something non-threatening before she fulfills her motherly obligation.

"It was nice," Mike says as he's setting their food down on the table.

"Did you guys talk?"

Mike shovels a huge forkful into his mouth as he looks up to his mom. "Not really, we just hung out, watched a game he recorded."

Mike's relieved when his mom doesn't push the subject further and they enjoy the rest of their breakfast in silence.

**xxxx**

It's early afternoon and his flight departs in three hours, so Mike starts to pack his suitcase. _What am I forgetting?_ he asks himself. _My phone!_ he remembers. Mike walks out to the living room, looks over the couch for his phone but it isn't there.

"Mom, have you seen my phone?" he yells not realizing she's behind him.

"I put it on the table," she answers and Mike jumps.

"You scared me. I didn't know you were there." Mike looks to the table and collects his phone. As he's walking past his mom, she realizes it's time to have the talk.

"Did you and Alex get in a fight?"

Mike stops, freezes in place and the sound of Alex's name makes his heart beat that much faster. "Did you go through my phone?"

"I just needed to know what was going on with you."

"It's nothing," Mike lies, feels his cheeks burning and wishes his feelings would stay inside where they belong.

"You can talk to me. You can tell me anything."

Mike's chin starts to quiver and he turns to face his mom. "Anything?"

"Of course."

Mike knows he's in safe company and he makes his way over to the couch, his mom sitting in the comfy chair across from him. She patiently waits for him to start talking, doesn't want to rush him. Knows he'll have to start soon though or else he'll miss his flight.

"I think Alex might have feelings for me," Mike confesses looking down at his hands. He rubs them in a subconscious effort to comfort himself.

"And you think you may have feelings for him?" she nods knowingly.

"What?" Mike snaps his head up defensively. "No. That's not what I'm saying."

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"You just what?"

"Nothing," his mom shakes her head, saddened that her son is in such denial.

"Mom?" Mike's voice trembles, worried at what she could possibly be thinking.

She sighs. "I see the way you two act around each other on the show, I just didn't think it would be too far-fetched to think…there might be more going on there."

"There's not. Not on my end anyway," Mike tries to convince his mom.

"Okay. I'm sorry." Mike's mom looks around and then back to her son. "Has he approached you?"

Mike looks up nervously. "No. It's just something I noticed the other day and it kinda freaked me out. I don't know what to do, Mom. I don't want to lose him but how can I be friends with him if he wants _more_?"

"You need to talk to him," she suggests hoping an honest conversation will help Mike realize his own feelings for the guy.

"I know."

**xxxx**

Mike doesn't see or speak to Alex until the following Monday. Alex enters Mike's dressing room, a single knock announcing his presence. Suddenly, Mike realizes just how naked he is in his trunks. He feels embarrassed and self-conscious, thinks Alex must be checking him out.

"I'm changing!" Mike barks.

"Sorry, man." Alex is confused by Mike's outburst seeing as how the guy's already in his ring attire. "I could come back if you want," Alex offers, still clinging to the door.

"Nevermind," Mike huffs. "Just…What is it?"

Alex swallows, unsure why there's such a strain between the two. He turns to the door to shut it carefully. When he turns back to Mike, he hesitates for a second before speaking, so sad Mike could be angry with him.

"I tried calling you during the break."

"I was busy," Mike hisses bringing his foot up to the bench. Fixing his kneepad even though it doesn't need fixing.

"Yeah, I figured as much." Alex looks down to his feet. He realizes he can't get into any kind of altercation with Mike right now, thinks it's best to leave him alone so he can focus his attention on his match instead. "I guess I'll just meet you at the Gorilla Position," he says disappointed as he's turning to leave.

"Sure," Mike rolls his eyes. Doesn't even realize he's holding his breath until the door shuts behind Alex. He sighs heavily and he hates himself for acting so immature and cowardly.

Alex stands outside Mike's door. Wonders what he could have done wrong but he can't think of a damn thing. Convinces himself Mike's anger isn't directed towards him specifically. Alex accepts that he was just collateral damage and this makes him feel better about the situation, at least for the time being. He still hates to see Mike so upset and not know how to help him.

When Mike meets Alex, the two don't say a word. Mike hardly even acknowledges Alex but then again Mike's usually quiet, lost in his own thoughts before they go out to the ring anyway. Little does Alex know that tonight all Mike's thoughts are flooded with _him_.

Mike stands next to Alex, his eyes fixated on the man's thigh and he almost misses his cue, Alex having to nudge him to get him moving. Mike twitches almost in disgust when Alex touches him. Everything's _off_ and the complete opposite of what it was like last Monday when he soared so high. Mike manages to get in the zone as best he can as he's making his way to the ring. He fumbles over his words a few times and each time he looks over to Alex, the only person seemingly on his side and that smile brings him comfort but it's mixed with paralyzing fear.

Before Mike knows it, his match begins and ends. He's lying on the floor of the ring, defeated, humiliated. His opponent's music pounding through the air. Then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder trying to help him up. Mike looks up to Alex and for a second he feels safe and nothing hurts. It's like they're the only two people who even exist. Their own theme song playing in Mike's ears and it's soft and beautiful. He smiles softly but when Alex returns the smile, Mike's kicked back to reality, almost as if the wind's been knocked out of him. The audience is deafening and he feels every eye on him, judging him. He pushes Alex away with so much force. The crowd gasps and there's nothing Mike can do except walk away.

Alex stands there, not too sure of what to do, not sure at all of what just happened. He follows Mike back to his dressing room, the door just about slamming in his face but he slams it right back and it startles Mike.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex yells, getting right up in Mike's face.

"Don't fucking come near me!" Mike yells back even louder, pushing Alex away from him.

Alex is pissed beyond belief. "You better get your act together!" Alex returns the shove and Mike loses his balance, physically exhausted from his match and emotionally drained from the fight within. He puts his suit on over his ring attire, doesn't even care how stupid he looks.

"I can't do this," Mike sighs, ramming into Alex's shoulder as he's leaving.

Alex doesn't even realize his body's trembling at first. A knot forms in the pit of his stomach thinking he could be losing Mike. And it hurts that much more not even knowing why.

**xxxx**

There's a loud banging on Mike's door. He knows it's Alex. He waits, hoping the guy will think he's gone to sleep but the banging comes again.

"Open the door, Mike!" Alex demands and Mike can't afford for hotel management reporting them so he gets up. As he approaches the door, he remembers he's only wearing underwear so he rushes to put on a pair of shorts and a shirt.

"Mike!" Alex pounds again.

"Will you shut up, you're going to get us in trouble," Mike whispers loudly as he's opening the door.

"And who's fault would that be?" Alex snaps, pushing his way past Mike. He turns back around, stands there for a few long seconds looking over Mike – this man who infuriates him, this man that makes his blood boil. This same man who makes his heart skip a beat, makes him feel alive in the most incredible way and it hurts so badly that he won't even look at him.

"You owe me an explanation," Alex says and he tries not to be so aggressive this time.

"No, you owe _me_ an explanation," Mike counters, finally looking Alex in the eye but the way his eyes start to well up forces him to break away before Alex notices.

"I don't know what you expect me to say. Where's this hostility coming from, Mike?" Alex waits for a response until it's clear he's not going to receive one. "I've done nothing but be your friend. I've been there for you at every turn and…And you won't even look at me!"

"It's because of the way _you_ look at _me,_" Mike's voice is so low, Alex almost doesn't hear him at first.

"What?" Alex questions softly and he feels his chest tighten.

"And the way you touch me," Mike adds almost ashamed to be having this conversation.

"What are you saying?" Alex takes a step back, now wishing he didn't push so hard.

"You have feelings for me."

Alex laughs under his breath nervously. "Are you joking?"

"What? No. You like me…Don't you?" Suddenly, Mike isn't so sure about anything anymore.

Alex stares at Mike, he more than likes him but he's not sure if he should tell the truth or pretend the guy's just paranoid. Lying to Mike, however, would surely feel worse than confronting this head on. Alex lowers his head, looking down to the carpet and he knows this one simple change in his demeanor has given him completely away.

Mike catches his breath. This is all the admission he needs and he feels horrible when he sees the look on Alex's face. It pains him to think his friend could have been suffering this whole time and even if it's only half as much as what Mike went through this past week, it's more than one heart should ever have to bear.

Alex looks up to Mike, eyes revealing every thought he can't bring himself to say. He sees Mike start to tear up, thinks he must look so pathetic in Mike's eyes and the guy must just feel sorry for him - that his friend is such a fraud. He looks away in shame, a tear rolling down his cheek and of course it has to be the cheek facing Mike.

"Alex," Mike sighs, stepping toward the man. He reaches out to wipe the tear away but Alex turns his head further, bringing a hand up to cover his face, doesn't want Mike to see him so weak. But Mike defies him. He moves in close, wrapping his arms around Alex, needs him to know how sorry he is for being such a prick. He feels Alex tremble and then hears a whimper.

"Please don't hate me, Mike," Alex cries softly. "I can't lose you." His body becomes heavy in Mike's arms and they fall to their knees.

Mike cradles Alex's face in one hand, gently wiping his tears away with his thumb. His other hand brushes back Alex's hair, his chin resting against the man's forehead. "You're not going to lose me," he reassures Alex, his lips collecting the beads of sweat forming on Alex's skin.

Alex clings to Mike, unintentionally pushing himself closer to Mike's lips.

"You're my best friend." Mike kisses Alex innocently, comforting him further. Alex closes his eyes.

"You're my best friend, too." Alex raises his head a bit and feels Mike kiss his temple now.

Not sure if he's misreading the situation or not, Alex looks up to Mike, whose eyes are closed and he kisses him properly on the lips. The kiss lasts just long enough to trick Alex into thinking he _hasn't_ misread the situation but Mike soon pulls back.

"You need to leave now," Mike says assertively. He's breathing quickly, in the same fashion as he's standing to his feet and drying his own cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I thought-"

"I need to go sleep."

"Okay," Alex says sadly hoping he didn't just royally fuck everything up.

Mike cries in his bed after Alex leaves. He brings his hand to his lips, thinks of how it felt to kiss Alex and he doesn't understand what's happening to him.

**xxxx**

Mike and Alex meet at the taping of Smackdown they're required to attend. Mike's still dwelling on what happened the night before. Can't figure out how he ended up kissing Alex and now he's afraid he's given his friend the wrong impression. Deep inside, in a place he'd rather not acknowledge, Mike's afraid he actually wanted to kiss Alex and he can't seem to reconcile these contradicting thoughts.

"Hey," Alex says, cautiously approaching Mike.

"Hi," Mike responds awkwardly.

"Listen-"

"No, just forget it. It never happened."

Alex doesn't want to forget it and act like it never happened. It _did_ happen but he's willing to wait for a more appropriate time to discuss it, perhaps when Mike's had more time to think about it and when they're alone so he agrees.

"We're okay then?"

"Yeah," Mike answers and he forces himself to smile.

**xxxx**

During the next few weeks, little is spoken between the two men. They go out and do their job, acting completely professional in the ring. Backstage, however, it's almost as if they don't even know each other. At first, Alex attempts to follow-up with Mike with what had happened but after days of avoidance, he gets the message and stops trying. It kills him thinking this could be the end of even their friendship but he thinks back to the kiss and knows there's more there. Mike just needs more time, he convinces himself.

These days, the only time Mike feels like himself anymore is when he's near Alex. Every night when he retreats to his hotel room, he wishes he had the courage to ask Alex to go with him but he's finding this too difficult to fully accept. Wishes he could just hang out with Alex as friends and there not be any pressure. _But the kiss felt so right_, he thinks. Alex is coursing through his veins whether he wants him there or not. It's just the way it is now.

So, Mike sits in his hotel room – alone just as he is every night, thinks about calling Alex but then decides to seek advice from the only other person who knows about his situation.

"Hi, Mom. Remember what you said, about me having feelings for Alex? I think you might have been right," Mike's voice starts shaking.

"Oh, honey. Have you talked to him yet?"

"Kind of. I mean, I think he already knows how I feel but how can I-"

"All I can say is this," Mike's mom interrupts. "When you meet someone you feel so strongly about, when you feel yourself being pulled in their direction, fighting it is a fruitless effort. You just have to decide how long you want this struggle to continue because it'll last as long as you let it and only when you accept your feelings will you be at peace with yourself."

Mike sniffs.

"Alex is a good man. I want you to be happy and if he's the person that makes you happy then how can that be a bad thing? Go be happy, Mikey."

Mike makes a noise resembling appreciation and hangs up the phone. He stands to his feet as he dries his eyes and he just starts walking to where Alex is. Each step seeming to calm him down.

Finally, he's right outside Alex's room and he knocks gently. A few seconds pass and he sees the handle twist, the door opening and there's Alex, _his Alex_.

"Mike?" Alex asks, hopeful his patience has paid off and when he feels Mike wrap his arms around him, he knows it has.


End file.
